These are the best books on how to make friends or improve your friendships ranked and reviewed for 2021.
sections
You are reading: How to make friends books
1. best general books on how to make friends 2. make conversation and small talk 3. books specifically for adults4. books for women on how to make friends5. books for parents to help their children make friends6. honorable mentions7. books likely to have fake reviews
the best options to make friends
There are 21 books in this guide. these are my top picks for a simple overview. closest friendships- the best option for middle age- the best option for betrayal- the best option for parents who want to help their child
best overall books on making friends
first choice starter book
1. how to win friends and influence people
author: dale carnegie
This book has had a huge positive impact on my social life and is still the most recommended book on social skills despite being written in the 1930s.
does a good job of reducing social interaction to a set of rules that make us more likeable. however, it’s not the best book if low self-esteem or social anxiety prevents you from socializing.
is a set of (big) principles. it is not a complete guide on how to be better socially.
get this book if…
You’re already fine socially, but you want to be nicer.
Don’t buy this book if…
1. low self-esteem or social anxiety prevents you from socializing. if so i would recommend the social skills guide or read my book guide on social anxiety.2. mainly you want to develop closer friendships. read the relationship cure instead.
4.7 stars on amazon.
more complete superior selection
2. the social skills guide
author: chris macleod
Compared to how to win friends, this one is not aimed at a mainstream audience. This book is for people who feel like their social life is on hold because they’re too shy or don’t really connect.
So, the first part of the book focuses on shyness, social anxiety, and low self-confidence. then, it goes through how to improve your conversation skills. and third, how to be better at making friends and leading a social life.
I read this book 2-3 years ago and since then it’s been my top recommendation for anyone who wants a complete book on social skills together with their friends.
get this book if…
socializing makes you uncomfortable and you want a book that covers all aspects of social life.
Don’t buy this book if…
1. you can’t relate to the anxiety part that I talked about earlier. Instead, learn how to win friends and influence people.2. you want a book that only focuses on how to strike up a conversation. if so, start talking conversationally.
4.4 stars on amazon.
Also check out our complete (free) guide on how to make friends.
best option for people with asperger
3. improve your social skills
author: dan wendler
improve your social skills has many similarities to the social skills guide and covers similar topics. however, this author has asperger’s and the book has become a cult classic on the subject.
It feels unfair to say it’s only relevant to people with Asperger’s. is relevant for anyone who wants to learn social skills from scratch.
get this book if…
You want to learn social skills from scratch or you have Asperger’s.
Don’t buy this book if…
1. you want something that focuses more on being uncomfortable with new people. if so, get the social skills guide.2. you are not looking for a cover-it-all for social life, but to improve your social interaction. if so, get how to win friends.
4.3 stars on amazon.
make conversation and small talk
These are just 2 books that I think are useful. go here for my complete book guide on how to strike up a conversation.
best book on small talk
4. the fine art of small talk
author: debra fine
considered the best book on small talk, both by me and by many others. read my review here.
the best book on how to start a conversation
5. speaking conversationally
author: alan garner
this book is for conversations and how to win friends is for social skills.
If you just want to get better at conversation, this is the book to read.
see my review of this book here.
best option to find people like you
6. belong
author: radha agrawal
The premise of this book is that we feel less and less connected despite all the technology to connect us. focuses on how to feel connected again by knowing how to find people like you or create a community of like-minded people.
I have a feeling it will work best for you if you’re in your 20s or 30s. If you’re older than that, check out The Relationship Cure. except for that, great book! well researched and well written. lots of good tips that are applicable.
get this book if…
You want to find people like you.
Don’t buy this book if…
See Also: 10 Romance Novels Every 20-Something Needs To Read
You are middle-aged or older. if so, read the relationship cure.
4.6 stars on amazon.
best option to improve existing relationships
7. the relationship heals
author: john gottman
The book focuses on midlife relationships: with friends, spouses, children, family, and colleagues. but the advice is still very valuable even if you are younger!
what a great book! very actionable. the central idea is to be more emotionally available and how to do it in practice.
I wish I had something negative to say about this book for the sake of a balanced review, but I don’t.
get this book if…
You want to improve your existing relationships.
Don’t buy this book if…
you just want to be better to make new friends. if so, get how to win friends.
4.5 stars on amazon.
books specifically for adults
The following books are tailored for someone who works and has a family life (as opposed to being in school or single).
friendship being married and having children
8. friendship changes
author: jan yager
The book focuses on mid-life friendships: having friends while having kids, having friends while married. That’s why it’s called friendshifts: it’s about how friendships change as our lives change.
There are many obvious things in this book. but since it’s the only book I’ve found for middle-aged people and it has some great ideas, I’d recommend it for someone who wants to get their friends to learn and how to relate to their friends.
3.9 stars on amazon.
the best choice about the betrayal of friends
9. when friendship hurts
author: jan yager
This book is about toxic and failed relationships. it’s a solid book, written by the same author who wrote friendshift. It has improved a lot since the friendshift book and this book is better overall. however, while the friend change was about friendship in general in adulthood, this one focuses on broken friendships in adulthood.
4.2 stars on amazon.
books for women on how to make friends
first selection of closer relationships for women
10. friendship
author: shasta nelson
a book on how to develop closer friendships, specifically for women. Very well researched and well written. it goes through how to connect and approach, toxicity, self-doubt, jealousy and envy, and fear of rejection.
stellar reviews. I couldn’t find anything bad about this book.
get this book if…
You are an adult woman who wants to have closer friends.
Don’t buy this book if…
If you’re a grown woman who wants to have closer friends, I think there’s no reason not to buy this book. however, also take a look at the relationship cure.
4.5 stars on amazon.
11. stop being alone
author: kira asatryan
The goal of this book is to develop closeness. in other words, how to be able to develop close relationships instead of superficial ones. it covers closeness with family and partner, but mainly when it comes to friends.
To appreciate this book, you have to have an open mind. a lot of the stuff seems like common sense, but even if it is, bringing it up again and reminding us to apply it can help.
The author is not a psychiatrist like in many of the other books. but to have wisdom on the subject of friendship, I don’t think you have to be a psychiatrist.
It’s a good book, but the relationship cure is a better read.
4.4 stars on amazon.
12. messy beautiful friendship
author: christine hoover
much loved book. I can’t relate to it as it is written by and from a pastor’s wife from her perspective. If you are a married Christian woman, this would be the perfect book for you. If you want a more comprehensive book on midlife friendships, I highly recommend The Relationship Cure.
4.7 stars on amazon.
for men on how to improve relationships
13. relationships are everything
author: ben weaver
This book also focuses on how to improve your relationships. in other words, it’s not about how to find new friends, like in the social skills guide.
is written by a youth pastor. (I’m confused, can someone explain to me why so many friendship books are written by pastors?)
I would recommend the friendship cure over this one.
4.9 stars on amazon.
books for parents to help their children make friends
for parents to help their young children
14. the unwritten rules of friendship
authors: natalie madorsky elman, eileen kennedy-moore
This has become “the book” for parents who want to help their children with social skills. he goes through various archetypes like “the vulnerable kid”, “the different drummer”, etc. and provides specific advice on how to help each of them.
The book is more of a toolbox than a read from cover to cover.
the book is very well reviewed (one of the highest rated books I’ve researched for this guide)
get this book if…
You have a young son who is falling behind socially
Don’t buy this book if…
Your child is beginning to reach adolescence. instead, read the science of making friends below.
4.6 stars on amazon.
for parents to help their teens and young adults
15. the science of making friends
author: elizabeth laugeson
If The Unwritten Rules of Friendship is my first choice for parents who want to help their young children, this book is the best choice for parents who want to help their teens and young adults.
This book focuses specifically on Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD.
get this book if…
Your teen or young adult has Asperger’s, ADHD, etc.
Don’t buy this book if…
Your child is able and motivated to read on their own. if so, recommend the social skills workbook, or improve their social skills.
4.3 stars on amazon.
honorable mentions
These books aren’t as good as my previous top picks, but they may still be worth checking out or additional reading when you’re done with the top picks.
16. how to start a conversation and make friends
author: don gabor
The goal of this book is to strike up a conversation with the goal of making friends.
This is more of a conventional book that doesn’t delve into the issues. it mainly covers the most obvious things and not the experiences aha.
Instead, I would recommend speaking conversationally.
4.4 stars on amazon.
mediocre book on sympathy
17. the science of sympathy
author: patricio rey
This book covers how to be charismatic and attract friends. It’s not a bad book, but there are better ones on the subject.
Instead of reading this book, read how to win friends and the myth of charisma. they cover the same topics but do it better.
Much of the material in this seems manipulative and some examples are a bit off. if you read it, you’ll probably still be satisfied, but you’ll be better off with the better options.
4.1 stars on amazon.
18. the friendship crisis
author: marla paul
general book and little applicable advice. nothing new. more “friendly advice” for trying to pick up someone who’s feeling down.
I would recommend any other book higher up in this guide.
3.7 stars on amazon.
non-processable book about women’s lost friendships
19. the friend who ran away
authors: jenny offill, elissa schappell
I’ve been flipping through this book and reading all the reviews there are to read about it. the picture I get is this: It’s a good book, but it’s not actionable.
People feel that the stories don’t apply to them, or that some are even depressing and hurtful.
If you want a better read on the subject, look up When Friendships Hurt.
4.0 stars on amazon.
20. how to connect with the people in your life
author: caleb j.
This book covers the entire process from breaking the ice, making small talk, connecting with people, dealing with rejection, etc.
The book is fine, but I would recommend the books at the beginning of this guide as they are more comprehensive, more actionable, and better researched.
4.4 stars on amazon.
21. how to make friends being an introvert
author: nate nicholson
The book focuses on how to make friends as an introvert. it is very basic and not deep enough. there are better books for introverts, such as the social skills guide.
3.5 stars on amazon.
warning: books likely to have fake reviews
In researching these books, I found reviews that appear to be auto-generated, do not match the quality of the book, and do not match the ratings on other sites such as goodreads.
These are books that I’m pretty sure have fake reviews. – Social Intelligence Guide: Complete Beginner’s Guide to Learning the Simple and Effective Methods of Social Intelligence – Improve Your Social Skills: How to Increase and Positively Influence Your conversation skills in 30 days with parents & friends to gain fear and dominate people(not to be confused with improving your social skills by dan wendler, great book).
Did I miss a book? let me know in the comments below!
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