These are the best books on how to start a conversation, ranked and reviewed.
This is my guide to books specifically on how to strike up a conversation. Also, see my book guides on social skills, social anxiety, confidence, self-esteem, making friends, and body language.
You are reading: Books on how to talk to anyone
find my quick pick here (some books are in multiple categories)
cover the basics
1. speaking conversationally 2. improve your social skills3. how to talk to someone 4. how to start a conversation and make friends
also covering general social skills
1. how to win friends and influence people2. the myth of charisma
advanced conversation skills
1. how to speak – how to listen2. If I understood you, would I have this look on my face?
also covers nervousness in conversations
1. the fine art of small talk
quick reads
1. the fine art of small talk2. how to start a conversation and make friends
complete books
1. how to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere2. the conversation code
focused on business
1. how to talk to someone 2. crucial conversation tools for talking when the stakes are high3. conversational intelligence
honorable mentions
1. emotional intelligence 2.0
Here’s our full list of the best books on how to talk to people:
a classic that covers the basics of small talk
1. speaking conversationally
author: alan garner
This is one of the cult classics, along with how to win friends, and has sold over 1 million copies. it’s about becoming a fluent conversationalist more than anything else – focusing on small talk with strangers and acquaintances rather than building deeper relationships with close friends.
the language is a bit old (the book was published in 1981), but the strategies are excellent. it’s not super elaborate on the techniques, but it’s more about giving you a broad understanding. It is heavily research based. sometimes at the beginning of chapters you say “this is too obvious”, but then the author makes a new version of what you thought you knew, and that gives you new knowledge.
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buy this book if…
1. you want a conversation classic that is considered the best in the field.2. you want to learn the basics.3. you want something that is based on science.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you are looking for a very detailed guide. (if so, choose “how to speak – how to listen”)2. you’re just looking for tips on how to get past small talk to build deeper relationships. (then I would also recommend how to speak – how to listen)
4.4 stars on amazon.
a classic for advanced conversation skills
2. how to speak – how to listen
author: mortimer j. adler
Another old school book, this one from 1983. It’s also considered a classic, but it’s more “next level” than conversation. you could say this book is about how to take your conversations from “good to great” rather than covering the basics
sometimes it gets a bit long and it’s not as important as many other books, but if you have time, I recommend it.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
1. you’ve mastered the basics and want something that will take you “from good to great”.2. you want a philosophical approach to conversations: a book that looks at the big picture and the role of conversations in society.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you have little time and want to go directly to the techniques. (If so, choose the fine art of small talk.)2. if you want to cover the basics first. (If so, choose to speak conversationally, or if you want to go even more basic, go improve your social skills.)
4.4 stars on amazon.
to the point, practical and also focused on nervousness
3. the fine art of small talk
author: debra fine
This is a quick read and takes about 3 hours to complete. is the perfect conversation book for someone with social anxiety as it explains how to deal with nervousness in conversations.
Note that many of the examples are in a business setting, although the techniques can be applied anywhere.
Not all of the advice is super applicable and it’s not as in-depth as I think it could be.
some examples in the book are completely vulgar, others are not very applicable. but overall, it’s the best alternative if you want a book that’s quick to read and easy to apply.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
1. you are looking for a quick read.2. talking to people makes you nervous.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you are looking for something complete (if so, choose this one)2. if you want some highly applicable advice (if so, I can recommend this free guide on how to start a conversation)
4.4 stars on amazon.
the basic basics to start a conversation
4. improve your social skills
author: daniel wendler
This book covers the basics of social interaction and creating conversations. The author has Asperger’s, which gives this book a different approach to conversations than the other books on this list.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
1. you want to have something that covers the cornerstones of making conversation.2. have asperger’s (or are on the autism spectrum), or just want to make sure you build your knowledge from scratch.
Do not buy this book if…
if you are looking for a more advanced version of conversations or if you have already read the basics. (So, I’d recommend the Charisma myth.)
4.3 stars on amazon.
conversational anecdotes in biography form
5. how to talk to anyone, anytime, anywhere
author: larry king
This is a book by 1980s and 1990s talk show host Larry King. he shares what he has learned after speaking with thousands of people on and off camera. Unlike the other books on this list, this one is written in biography form.
In other words, the book is about anecdotes and not about step-by-step techniques.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
1. prefer the biography format to the “manual” format.2. you want to learn from someone who has spent most of their life talking to people.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you are looking for highly practical tips on how to strike up a conversation.2. want in-depth advice.3. you want a quick read.
4.4 stars on amazon.
The world’s first self-help book is still a must-read
6. how to win friends and influence people
author: dale carnegie
This is the first book I read about conversations and social skills when I was 15 years old. I have since reread it many times and it is still a must read (even though it was written in 1936!)
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
You want the best foundation not only for conversations, but for social life in general.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you want something that focuses only on conversations.2. you have social anxiety: the book does not talk about how to deal with anxiety and nervousness in conversations. (I recommend this book for this.)
4.7 stars on amazon.
charismatic conversations
7. the myth of charisma
author: olivia fox cabane
This is a new book compared to a classic like how to win friends, but it has been praised as a replacement for that book in the 21st century.
Please note that while there is a chapter specifically on how to talk to people, this book covers much more than just striking up a conversation.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
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1. you want to be more charismatic in your conversations.2. if you want a holistic view of social interaction.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you want something specifically about making conversations.2. you want to learn the basics first.
4.5 stars on amazon.
cult classic about being a better communicator
8. If I understood you, would I have this look on my face?
author: alan alda
This is a classic about being a better communicator (in other words, it’s not about the basics of conversation, strategies for avoiding awkward silences, etc.)
covers how to be a better listener, avoid misunderstandings, build rapport, and have difficult conversations
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
You want to be better at communication. if so, this is the gold standard.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you are looking for the foundation.2. you want to be better at small talk and everyday conversation.
4.5 stars on amazon.
simple to absorb tidbits on how to strike up a conversation
9. how to start a conversation and make friends
author: don gabor
here is a basic and easy to apply book for you who want to go straight to the techniques. keep in mind that it seems designed for men who want to talk to women.
It’s written by someone who strikes me as extroverted, so the perspective is very different from, say, improving your social skills.
I think a book by an extrovert can be a valuable perspective if you’re an introvert, but others may feel it’s too weird a perspective.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
1. you want something easy to read.2. you want to be better by talking to someone you’re attracted to.3. you want to learn from an extrovert.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you’re not interested in the “talk to someone you’re attracted to” approach.2. want a more complete book with deeper advice.3. you don’t want to learn from an extrovert 🙂
4.4 stars on amazon.
a long list of conversation tips in book form
10. how to talk to someone
author: leil lowndes
I mention this because it’s a popular book, although it’s not my personal favorite.
presents 92 tips for starting a conversation. this is overwhelming for me, who likes to read a book from cover to cover, but I understand that it is made to skim through and choose the tips that you think sound interesting.
It’s a quick and fairly basic read. most advice is focused on business.
See Also: 25 Best Books on Writing Fiction: Learn How with These Essential Reads!
buy this book if…
1. you like the format of a long list of tips.2. you’re looking for something business-focused.
Do not buy this book if…
1. you want something in depth.2. are looking for tips on how to strike up a conversation outside of work.3. you want to learn how to build closer relationships.
4.5 stars on amazon.
honorable mentions
11. conversational intelligence
a great book, but it’s about how to build trust as a manager or boss, so it’s outside the scope of this review. Amazon.
12. the conversation code
extremely detailed, with over 1000 examples of real conversations, but uneven in quality. Amazon.
13. crucial conversations
also a great book and a classic, but focused on discussions, job interviews and negotiations. Amazon.
14. emotional intelligence 2.0
I’ve only read version 1.0 of this book, which was great. it covers conversations but is more about emotional intelligence in general. If you want to put your conversation skills in context, I highly recommend investing in this book as well. Amazon.
See Also: The Best Books of the Bible for Kids to Start Reading – FaithGateway Store