1-sentence-summary: the four agreements are based on the long tradition of the toltecs, an ancient indigenous people of mexico, to show you that we have been domesticated since childhood, how these , the governing rules harm us and what we can do to break them and replace them with a new set of agreements with ourselves.
read in: 4 minutes
You are reading: Books to better yourself
author’s favorite quote:
I am fascinated by ancient cultures, especially those that were ahead of their time, such as the Spartans, Romans, and Egyptians. One place we rarely look at in this regard is South America, yet it has been home to several of these ancient and advanced civilizations.
the aztecs had a super efficient agricultural system and built the foundation on which mexico city still stands today. the mayans are famous for their incredibly accurate calendar and one of the new seven wonders of the world. One culture that is rarely mentioned but harbors a ton of lore are the Toltecs. Mexican surgeon and author Don Miguel Ruiz, who turned from science to spirituality after a near-fatal car accident, knows all about them.
His 1997 book, The Four Agreements, spent eight years on the New York Times bestseller list, selling over six million copies and spreading these four guiding principles for living:
- Be flawless with your word.
- Don’t take anything personally.
- Don’t make assumptions.
- Always do your best.
See Also: Audiobooks written by R.L. Stine | Audible.com
Today, I want to share with you why we need them, which one I think is more important, and how you can work to integrate them into your life. here are my 3 lessons from the book:
- we are domesticated from a young age and that makes us live by a set of rules that we have not chosen ourselves.
- what people say to you and do to you is a reflection of them , not you. know who you are and you won’t take things personally.
- There are three ways to break your old agreements and live with new ones of your own choosing.
Are you ready to receive some ancient Toltec wisdom into your life? Let’s make history practical!
summary of the four agreements
lesson 1: our environment tames us from childhood and leads us to live a thoughtless life.
there are many elements of our lives that we do not choose or have no control over. don miguel ruiz calls the sum of these “domestication”. It is a process that begins the day we are born. you don’t choose your first language, you don’t choose your first school, and you can’t control what attitudes your parents instill in you.
Parents, peers, teachers, religion, all of these influences instill in us a set of rules. as children, we have no power over them. we are rewarded when we do good and punished when we go out of line. compound this for almost two decades and you become someone who is chasing weak spots, afraid of rejection and not questioning the rules of society.
The worst thing about this collective dream, as Ruiz calls it, is that in the end we are so domesticated that we continue to do it ourselves. If you’ve ever broken a rule, like missing a deadline, and then mentally punished yourself, judged yourself, and blamed yourself, you’ve seen this problem in action.
How do you get out of this cycle? with a new set of agreements!
lesson 2: nothing people say or do to you is personal, but you have to know who you are to agree with it.
One of those new house rules you should try to adopt is to never take anything personally. It is the second of the four agreements and I think it is the most powerful. I recently explained it to a friend over dinner.
See Also: 17 Sales Books to Boost Your Medical Sales Career | Medical-Sales-Careers
Nothing, absolutely nothing, that other people and the world do or say to you, is about you. when someone calls you ugly, he says much more about them and their problems than about you. whatever problem they’re dealing with has led them to take out their frustration on you.
It doesn’t matter if it’s true or not, when you take it personally, you have to own up to it, and that means, to some extent, believing it. so you should never take anything personally. but not taking hurtful comments and mishaps personally is hard.
according to ruiz, the only way to make a habit of this is to become very, very self-aware. knowing deep down who you are, what your truth is, and that you are good enough allows you to stop looking for validation and acceptance.
lesson 3: you can use three ways to break old agreements, free yourself and create your own.
Can you see how powerful such a new deal could be when you really embrace it? there are many of them, waiting to be learned. But to achieve this kind of massive change, you must first free yourself from the shackles of your old tamed system. don miguel ruiz suggests three ways to do it:
- start noticing the beliefs you hold that are based on fear and make you unhappy. we all have them. our attention has turned to them since we were little children and we could not have done anything to develop them. but it’s time to grow up and separate them.
- learn to forgive people who hurt you, especially yourself. the Toltecs called this the parasite of your mind. a fight, a missed bus, a spilled glass of milk, anything that causes negative emotions can lead to a downward spiral and ruin your day. unless you forgive yourself and everyone involved. this is the only thing that allows you to move forward instantly.
- remember that each day may be the last to stay in the present. the initiation of the dead brings clarity. how do you want to live? Do you really want to let the opinion of others decide what you do now?
These all take time, repeated practice, and figuring out how you can make them work for you, but they are starting points for unraveling the mess in your mind and finally starting to live by your own accord.
review of the four agreements
I liked the four agreements because they are based on a pile of knowledge that we do not come across very often: the Toltec culture. these principles are not revolutionary, but a solid foundation on which to build. Note: There is also a sequel to this book, called The Fifth Agreement, which acts as an updated and expanded version of this book.
Who would you recommend the summary of the four agreements to?
the 18-year-old dancer, who really struggles with negative comments from his mother, the 33-year-old actor, who constantly has to deal with personal comments, and anyone who has a hard time saying sorry.
See Also: "Books That Shaped America" Exhibition to Open June 25 | Library of Congress