the one by stephen king is a great book. something like 440,000 words. That’s like 75% of the length of Atlas Shrugged (561,000 words) or War and Peace (587,000 words). by the time you’ve read it, you’ll have read most of a couple of books famous for being ridiculously long.
I’m dumb, that’s why I decided to read it by stephen king for a book club.
You are reading: How to read long books
and since it was a book club book, I had about a week to read it. ok, i had a month, but i’m not perfect.
Let’s go to the end of this story: I did it. I was the only person in the meeting that ended, but damn it, I did.
with the new movie coming out, you may be unsure of your ability to finish it in time to see the movie and resist how they left out this and that. Or maybe you have some other huge book on your nightstand that you’ll never finish.
I can help you. follow these steps to read a long book in a short period of time.
1. don’t get out of bed
Whatever you do to start the day, don’t do it until you’ve read a few pages. the easiest time to stay still is before you’ve moved. I don’t care what your morning rituals are, don’t start them until you’ve read a few pages. set your alarm ten minutes earlier if necessary. if you develop open sores on your back, you’re doing fine.
2. fists
wherever you go, whatever you do, take the book and nothing else. if you go on a date, take the book. if you go to the bank, take the book inside. when you have lunch, it’s the only option you allow yourself.
turns your life into one of those stupid movies where two guys are in handcuffs for some reason and have to learn to get along. Of course, at first they don’t like each other. But eventually, even Laurence Fishburne and Stephen Baldwin can become friends, given enough time and strong enough wives.
Am I suggesting you handcuff yourself to a book? hmm… before I wasn’t, but now that I think about it: yes, yes I am.
3. move
This is an old therapist trick. You have a client who seems unsure of what to do in therapy or is very restless, so he talks to you while he throws a ball at you. it gives rhythm to things, it takes your mind off things. it keeps part of your brain busy so it doesn’t run in too many different directions when you need it to focus.
I’m a big fan of the old walk and read. you hold the book in front of you, start walking, walk in one direction and read. the best places to try this are in the suburbs, on a treadmill, or on a track. the worst places include the woods, the haunted woods, and anywhere you’re likely to run into someone who will inform you that, hey, they’re walking around here.
It doesn’t have to be walking. just occupy your hands. crumple and uncrumple a sheet of paper. play with a deck of cards. whatever. just find something that keeps part of you busy.
4. reading in a distant land
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okay, not in some fairyland or something. that would make things worse, with all the searches going on. I just want to say you drive 45 minutes, drop into a starbucks and read.
going out of your way makes the idea of a short reading session seem impossible, useless and stupid. you have to read at least as long as it took you to get there, right?
5. don’t be afraid to mutilate your books
I once had to read some long chapters of textbooks on a plane. I know, my life is pretty glamorous. jetsetting, school textbooks from the library…
I didn’t want to bring all my books, so I ripped out the pages I needed and brought them.
this worked great. I finished my reading, didn’t bring a bunch of extra shit, and got the distinct pleasure of shredding the pages I’d finished.
There are many ways you can deface your books to help you through tough times. make marks on the edges of the page that show where you need to be tomorrow and the next day. keep a journal in the margins that will show you how fast or slow you are progressing. make the book yours. then you are the owner. master it and you can finish it.
6. get in the bathtub
listen. I know the downsides of bathrooms, okay? You don’t have to tell me how I’m cooking in my own filth. I already know it. it’s my dirt.
Anyone who bathes for the purpose of cleansing is bathing badly. that’s like going to a water park to get clean. in fact, it’s very much like that, since you’re mostly soaked in urine.
Let me tell you the advantages. to cook me in my filth.
once you’re in, you’re in. You are trapped. you have made this bed, and you had better lie down on it.
After all, you wouldn’t want to waste all that water reading for just 15 minutes, would you?
7. turn off your phone
Can you remember the last time you turned off your phone, like turning it off completely? turning off the phone can be a pretty powerful deterrent to googling, listening to music, and doing all the other nonsense that isn’t reading. when you go to read, close those things completely.
8. don’t allow study time
“cram” and “crap” are separated by a single letter for a reason.
cramming is a great way to memorize some nonsense about presidents (that’s probably not even true) long enough to pass a test. but it’s a terrible way to end a long book. why? because reading takes as long as it takes. there is a finite amount you can cut from your reading time. it’s like trying to “cram” when you’re late for a party by drinking bourbon and coffee on the train (this works, but as one of the practitioners of this method, I wouldn’t recommend it). sure, you get something from the effect. but you’re missing the point of the party.
I’m trying to help you avoid a pitfall here. when it comes to long books, planning to cram is planning to fail.
9. change your social network passwords
See Also: Scott Sanders | National Endowment for the Arts
this is a great way to do anything. ask someone to change your password or change it to something you won’t be able to recreate. write it down somewhere and then put it away until you finish your book. the world is going to be fine without you for the next week. well, okay, the world is going to be terrible, but it won’t get worse because you’re not talking about it.
if you need help finding a strange password that is impossible to remember, I recommend adapting the lyrics of any of the dream theater songs.
now, all you have to do is take the small chunks of time you used on twitter and turn it into reading time.
In addition, you will have a week of things prepared for your triumphant return to the world of the Internet. It will be 7 glorious minutes.
10. combine it with the audiobook
You read when you can, you listen when you can’t. get the print and audiobook at the same time to maximize your productivity. bonus points if you listen to the audiobook at twice the speed.
11. arrive early to everything
everything you have this week, leave 15 minutes earlier than you should and bring your book. then you’ll have 15 minutes of sweet parking time to kill. Plus, you’ll feel good about yourself for being on time for once. this could be the start of something completely new for you! It won’t be, we latecomers never change, but still, it’s nice to live a few days as a non-trash.
12. remember, this is your last chance to read the book intact
once a book becomes a movie, it’s over. you will never get that pure reading experience. the surprises are gone.
It sounds like a no-pressure situation, but it’s not. once you watch the movie, the option to read the book without comparing it to the movie disappears. there are bets here. remember, there are bets.
If what you’re reading isn’t about to be made into a movie, then I’d advise moving on to the next level of threat: impending doom hounds you every second. Do you want to die before you finish that long book? Or do you, like bill and ted, want to beat death?
13. don’t read anything else
don’t read articles. don’t read the emails. don’t read texts the only text that should be entering your brain is this book. that is all.
In fact, if you’re reading on a kindle, delete anything you’ve downloaded. seriously, do it right now. I will wait.
…
now you are not tempted.
Return all your other library books, put all your other books on a high shelf, and focus on this one thing to focus on.
tell us below, what is the longest thing you’ve ever read and how did you finish it? how long did it take
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