“The costs of your good habits are in the present. the costs of your bad habits are in the future.” — clear james
I mean, isn’t this self-help shit the same thing?
You are reading: Self help books are bullshit
I listen to self-help podcasts, read self-help and self-improvement books, and always try to keep learning about leadership, personal growth, and growth mindset, but why?
why do I want to change? what is the root of the change? What is the psychology of change and the barriers to the life I have always wanted to live?
On the one hand, I have self-compassion, patience, and self-love, but on the other, my inner stoic wants to practice determination, toughness, and critical feedback (and basically kick my ass!)
Does the self-help genre matter when I already know why habits create compounded returns in achievement, be it financial, relationship or professional?
Although self-help and self-improvement books are usually about personal growth, they really should be called personal change. I don’t think this is where you should stay in your learning. reading is not personal growth or change unless you put what you learn into practice.
“Why focus on process when the world is driven by results? Don’t the results matter? yes, results do matter. but if you optimize for the result, you win once.
If you optimize for a process that leads to great results, you can win over and over again.” — james Claro
I bet you’ll learn more about what it’s like to be a triathlete if you sign up for a triathlon race.
I bet you’d learn more about being a startup founder if you started building your business, like now.
I bet if I wanted to be a better parent, I could get into the habit of being present, engaged, positive, and communicative.
no personal growth coach or self-improvement author can do the work for you, and that’s the point: do the hard work, and if you fall off the bandwagon, get back on as soon as you can.
In the world of professional and collegiate sports, coaches and players want to win a title, but at what cost?
I realized that the art of success is mastering (and enjoying) the process of being the best you can be.
If I could shoot a shot or work on my fundamentals, or my fitness every morning before my first or second practice, that would be a win for me. There’s no need to read about new self-help ideas if you’re not willing to act on them and that’s the point: change is fucking hard.
lori gottlieb, thank you.
I forgot this: that our luggage is always there, waiting for our associates, closest business (or basketball) teammates, and kids to pull it out of us. they are the mirrors of the shit we don’t want to see about our subconscious selves.
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Why do we react negatively to situations?
Look inside yourself and ask yourself: what about this situation where I can’t control my reaction?
I’m too old to exercise twice today.
I’m too old to climb that mountain.
I’m too tired to write.
I’m too rare to find a partner who loves me completely.
I’m too sporty to build a successful startup.
yada-yada-yada: the monkey thoughts keep coming.
the best of the best learn how to do something about these negative thoughts and experiences in a positive way.
turn lemons into lemonade.
day after day after day, and it’s never perfect. no, on the contrary, it’s messy sometimes and that’s because domain takes time.
“Major life changes (moving to a new city, starting a new job, ending a relationship, getting married, having children, etc.) will often make life more difficult during the first 100 days before improve.
This isn’t always true, but it’s a good reminder that experiencing an early struggle doesn’t mean it was a bad choice.” — james Claro
Take a look at your five closest friends, peers, or mentors. as they are? What do they do? how do they act, behave and talk about their own lives? Do they take responsibility for their dreams, their baggage, or their lifestyle?
if you don’t intend to be fit, free, loving, wise, enlightened, or present, is it because you don’t care if you are?
masterly adulthood requires intent. If there is a gap between intention and action, you may be one of those people who read self-help books without any real change.
Most of the time, change happens in small micro ways that we can’t see, both positive and negative growth.
one cigarette can feel good and lead to another, and another, and another. after a few months, you may be smoking a pack a day. this type of negative growth is comfortable. easy. invisible. and a few years later, your lungs may be working at half capacity, your nails jaundiced, and your health deteriorating.
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The other kind of positive growth usually doesn’t feel good right off the bat, like getting fit or healthy, which happens by consistently exercising, meditating, practicing self-care, eating really nutritious food, and yet we all know that, but still, every new year, gym memberships skyrocket and adults don’t keep going. Most adults don’t understand that most human bodies lose about 0.25 percent of body fat per week. to see true results, it would take months of consistent action to see results.
james clear said, “every little action is a vote for who you want to be tomorrow.”
(yeah, put down that garlic breadstick and buy the bunch).
I have found that trying to change positively and negatively is like a mullet. I can suck up front and I’ve found that trying to change in a negative way feels good up front. I kind of love eating badly, but I hate how I feel (and look like six months later) when I always do.
I hate eating well, but I love how I feel (and look like six months later) when I always do.
The dichotomy of healthy and unhealthy change is ironic, isn’t it?
I wonder if the tallest and mightiest oaks struggle to leave their roots farther and farther like suckers.
“I will start this diet, this exercise, I will do something with my life after this self help book, I will change my thinking, this habit, no wait, I will buy this $2,500 peloton bike and lose 20 pounds! ” we say, and then whampf, change hits us in the nose because we step out of our comfort zone when it comes time to pay the piper…
fitness is a simple example of behavior change.
My friends say, “I want to get in shape, I’m going to run a marathon.”
okay, why a marathon?
“because I need something big to motivate me.”
And many runners (and people) may want that big change or marathon to motivate them to change, but the truth is, it’s the little changes every day that add up.
is the next step that adds up to 10,000.
It’s the consistent mile day after day that gets you to that marathon.
James Clear, the best-selling author, says that small habits turn into big changes over time as they add up. Albert Einstein calls compound earnings the eighth wonder of the world. so no matter what self-help books he reads or what self-improvement he tries to implement, remember that dosage (start small and often) and self-awareness are key.
We can all practice small habits (both good and bad) that change lives over time. so if you eat a little cake, have too much fun, skip a workout, or forget to stick to your new year’s resolution, goal, habit, or routine, or get discouraged, just get back to it as soon as you can.
And remember, change is hard, so be kind to yourself.
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