Regardless of what you’re going through in life or where you are, having people on your side helps more than anything else. this includes people who can encourage and support you, and ideally at least one or two who have already walked the same path and know how to do it well.
Caregivers struggle in this area. friends and family may mean well, but most will have no idea what caregiving really feels like or how it can wear you down day in and day out.
You are reading: Books on caring for aging parents
You can also check out forums and support groups. however, while these can be incredibly helpful, they can also bring you down at times, as members often fight the same way as each other.
That’s why, today, we’re talking about the best books on caring for aging parents.
The right book gives you support and advice, helping you to see that you are not alone and to find ways to do things better.
our best books on caring for aging parents
the conscious caregiver
As you can probably guess, this book takes a mindful approach to caregiving. it even has the subtitle: a mindful approach to caring for your loved one without losing yourself.
While mindfulness sounds a bit new at times, there’s mounting evidence that it can be powerful for improving mental health. can be particularly relevant in stressful situations.
It is also an idea that I have taken advantage of and which I have written about in this blog.
There are plenty of amazing books and audiobooks out there that talk about mindfulness, not to mention apps that help you practice focus. however, it is rare to find an author who combines mindfulness and care.
In this book, Linda Abbit not only combines these two important ideas, she does them very well.
setting boundaries with your older parents by allison bottke
every caregiver should read at least one good book on boundaries. the topic is essential and easily overlooked, especially when you’re supporting your parents.
How do you support the people you love while maintaining your own sense of identity? how do you make sure their needs are still met? limits are a big part of that equation.
there are many good books on limits out there. This one, by Allison Bottke, stands out because it focuses specifically on setting boundaries with aging parents. as part of this, he provides examples of why no boundaries don’t work, along with steps for drawing healthy boundaries.
Now, I’ll be honest, the style of this book won’t appeal to everyone. Like Cloud and Townsend’s Limits book, Bottke takes a strongly faith-based approach to the subject of limits. you may need to read some parts as well, as it can talk a bit.
Still, I recommend starting with this book before turning to others (such as Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawwab, or Undo Your Boundaries by Faith Harper) because most other boundary books don’t take into account the complexities of care. . after all, setting firm boundaries can be difficult when someone is physically dependent on you.
the 36-hour day by nancy mace and peter rabins
This book focuses on caring for family members with Alzheimer’s disease and other types of dementia. it’s a helpful look at what dementia behaviors look like, what you can expect, and how caring for someone with dementia might affect you.
The book is currently in its seventh edition, as it is regularly updated with recent research and information.
The 36-hour day is somewhat repetitive and information-dense. it also covers the full range of dementia symptoms, making it an emotional read if your elderly parent is in the early stages of dementia. Still, having a book like this on hand for reference can be incredibly powerful, and you can always read it in stages, rather than all at once.
creating moments of joy by jolene brackey
Like the 36-hour day, this book addresses the care of people with Alzheimer’s. however, there are few similarities between the two books.
create moments of joy does exactly what the name suggests, it helps you find joy and positive moments in the process of caring for someone with dementia.
That idea may sound crazy, but it works surprisingly well in many situations.
After all, it’s so easy to get lost in the negative stories of your situation and focus on what you’ve lost. doing so is completely understandable, but it doesn’t help you deal with the everyday emotional challenges of caring for people with dementia. some of the approaches in this book may offer enough change and inspiration.
take back your life by loren gelberg-goff
This book has the subtitle: A Caregiver’s Guide to Finding Freedom in the Midst of Overwhelm, which sums it up nicely.
What I love is that gelberg-goff provides personal examples of her caregiving experiences, but regularly returns to specific techniques and tips that can help people. she doesn’t get lost in her stories and examples like some authors do.
caring for aging parents by virginia morris
The example above focused heavily on the emotional and psychological side of caregiving. this one has a more practical emphasis instead. It’s divided into sections that address major considerations, including new roles, daily life, medicine, paperwork, where your older parents live, what about dementia, and end-of-life considerations.
The book stands out because it gives you a roadmap of what to expect and lots of practical advice. clear sections make it easy to jump to the part of the book that interests you.
As with most of these books, this is a relatively general guide to caring for aging parents, so some tips will apply to you better than others. still, there’s plenty of information to choose from, so you’re sure to find some good pieces.
the multicultural guide to care
We can’t talk about the best books on caring for older parents without talking about our own: The Multicultural Guide to Caregiving.
As the name suggests, this book not only talks about caregiving, but also takes a closer look at the experiences of multicultural families in the United States. Discussions focus on a variety of topics, including aging care myths, financial challenges you may face, and how to plan for the future.
beyond care books
The books I’ve talked about so far are written for caregivers, but they’re not the only option. Sometimes the best books for caregivers aren’t written about aging parents at all. instead, they have completely different angles.
although this is not bad. While there are many interesting books on caring for older parents, many of them focus heavily on the caregiving side of the equation.
It’s not surprising, is it, that caregiving books focus on caregiving?
however, you are not a caregiver. You are much more than that.
The books below are my personal favorites. whom I have turned to again and again for my own growth, to research and to write here on kapok. They offer valuable insights, some of which have changed my approach to life.
fierce self-pity for dr. cristina neff
kristin neff is the self-compassion expert. I often recommend her Conscious Self-Compassion Workbook (you can see the full review here), as she walks you through the exercises and gives you a very practical sense of the theory.
however, dr. neff recently published another book that is even better for caregivers. this one is called fierce self-pity.
in it, dr. neff goes beyond the gentle and kind side of self-pity to embrace the idea of taking back power, fighting and surviving. this is a vital issue for women as we often lean too much towards the kind and generous side of our nature and don’t stand up for ourselves enough.
Although the book doesn’t talk much about caring, there is a chapter called “caring for others without losing ourselves”. It’s amazing, honestly, and it might just be what you need.
something I love is that dr. neff speaks of times when drawing firm boundaries is not appropriate. This important point is often overlooked in conversations about boundaries, which is a shame as it’s something for caregivers to think about.
when life hits hard by dr. russ harris
Depending on where you live, you may see this book called The Smack of Reality or When Life Hits Hard. I read the reality version when I checked out the book as that’s what it’s called in my corner of the world (I live in New Zealand).
Both versions of the book cover the same material. the underlying model is called acceptance and commitment (acting) therapy. it is an approach that combines aspects of mindfulness with the importance of making changes and techniques for doing so.
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I love that the book focuses on how to do well when life sucks, rather than assuming life is normal.
most of the time, dr. Harris focuses on unique reality slaps, like when a loved one dies. however, the principles also apply to ongoing situations such as caregiving.
unf#ck your brain by dr. faith g harper
The title of this book should tell you everything there is to know about writing style. it’s a style some people will love and others won’t be able to stand (a pattern reflected in book reviews).
I enjoyed it, personally. the writing is refreshingly punchy, which makes the concepts easier to grasp and the book surprisingly fun to read.
well… I listened to the audiobook of this actually narrated by dr. she herself. It was the only book in the field of self-help that I found entertaining.
What I like most about this book is the straightforward and no-nonsense approach to finding solutions. dr harper is interested in what works and is powerful.
is also very focused on teaching you why. specifically, why your brain does what it does, with the theory that it’s easier to change things if you first know why they happen.
now this book has nothing to do with aging parents or caregiving.
however, it is still relevant. For one thing, understanding your reactions and finding ways to improve them can help you better deal with your aging parents. you may be able to make better decisions, draw clearer boundaries, and see your own needs more clearly.
emotionally immature parents
there are two books here, both by dr. lindsay gibson one is called adult children of emotionally immature parents, while the other is recovering from emotionally immature parents. I’ve also reviewed both in the past.
Now, these books don’t apply to all situations.
However, they could be some of the most influential books for people who don’t have a good relationship with their parents. in particular, the books help you accept and love your parents, while also figuring out how to respond to them.
More importantly, books help you to see clearly your own reactions and learn to love yourself. the information provided can be incredibly important in setting limits and developing independence.
difficult conversations, how to talk about the most important thing
there are many books about difficult conversations, but this one by douglas stone, bruce patton and sheila heen is my favorite. I really think it’s one of the best books on caring for elderly parents, even though it never talks about care at all.
I love that the book is packed with examples and techniques, giving you an idea of where problems with conversations can arise and how to deal with them practically.
Another fantastic thing is the way the book is organized. he starts off by talking about how conversations go wrong, then moves on to the idea of learning postures and learning conversations.
The updated version of the book includes answers to the 10 most frequently asked questions on the subject.
some reviewers mention that the information is basic, but that really depends on what you have read in the past. I suspect most caregivers would find the level of information exactly right. I know I did.
final thoughts
Over the years, I have read many self-help and self-care books. The ones on this list of the best books on caring for aging parents are the ones I’ve had the most positive experiences with. they’re well written, have plenty of examples, and (for the most part) aren’t too preachy about dispensing advice.
of course, there are also many other books.
then, let’s open this. what are your recommendations? What books have changed your life? they don’t have to be books about care, either. anything that has helped you grow as a person is relevant. Please leave a comment below or email us if you have a book you think belongs on this list.