A couple of years ago, I came across a quote on pinterest that said, “Be so busy improving yourself that you don’t have time to criticize others.” I loved that. Constantly comparing yourself to the people around you is possibly one of the fastest ways to develop toxic behaviors and mindsets. Suddenly you feel the need to gossip about your friends behind their backs, act like a victim to get the approval you feel you need, and complain so much that you lose track of everything good in your life. I know, because I’ve been there. if everyone around you is always “the bad guy” then you don’t feel the need to improve, and while that may seem like the safest way to go through life (with your guard up and your hands in front of your face), i promise you: no one makes any progress while waiting for other people to change.
As an English major and a writer, my form of toxic behavior rehabilitation came naturally in the form of self-help books. I have more of them on my shelf than I feel comfortable admitting, but they have proven instrumental in my ability to stop complaining, leave things as they are, and develop a sense of compassion for other people. here’s a list of the best books (and other tricks) to teach you how to stand out for a while, so you can shed toxicity and become the best person you can be.
You are reading: Books on how to stop being toxic
stop wishing & start working
just start , $24, amazon
When it comes to toxicity, all talk and no action is a huge red flag. Just Get Started is a must-read for any perfectionist or serial planner who never seems to get started. It is written by three business leaders (Leonard Schlesinger, Charles Kiefer, and Paul B. Brown) who believe that it is impossible to predict every step of their progress, and waiting to try is the fastest way to guarantee failure. this book teaches you how to embrace uncertainty and start where you are, no matter where that is, so you can move toward where you want to be instead of wallowing in stagnation.
learn to accept your flaws
gifts of imperfection , $10, amazon
People are freaking out over the gifts of imperfection because it’s one of the few books that doesn’t require any immediate changes. instead, it’s about accepting what is and who you are right now. Brene Brown is an expert on shame, belonging, and human behavior, which is why she creates an innovative and easy-to-follow narrative. She outlines 10 guides to help you observe your thinking and behavior and find acceptance within yourself, so you can go to bed each night with the belief, “No matter what I did or didn’t do today, I am enough.”
(psst! listen to this title through audible and get two free audiobooks when you try the 30-day trial. )
find an outlet for creativity
let it go coloring book, $12, amazon
Creativity is a wonderful thing, but if you’re constantly holding yourself back because responsibilities tend to get in the way, you’ll find yourself increasingly stressed and negative. The Let It Go Coloring Book gets top marks because it’s an easy and convenient way to unleash your creativity and relax on a daily basis. It is filled with 40 pages of beautiful and intricate adult-friendly designs, and each illustration is accompanied by an interesting quote. This book was created by an LA-based illustrator named Sherise Seven, who loves art, meditation, and fun, and reviewers say the unique drawings provide all of those things and more.
stop being codependent
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the new codependency , $11, amazon
If you are constantly looking for other people to bring you happiness and peace of mind, this is for you. Twenty-five years ago, Melody Beattie wrote a bestselling book on codependency after overcoming her harsh past of drug addiction, kidnapping, and sexual abuse. Now she’s back with a new volume that depicts the issues behind codependency in a modern light. Using his honest and insightful voice in The New Codependency, Beattie explains the difference between nurturing someone and empowering them, loving yourself and being a narcissist, standing up for yourself and controlling everything. he then guides the reader through a step-by-step process that teaches him how to find a healthy balance and redefine his relationship, so he doesn’t get lost in it. instead, you regain your individuality and learn to be happy despite your circumstances.
See Also: Writing How-to Books in Kindergarten- Writing Unit of Study
(psst! listen to this title via audible here.)
stop complaining forever
a world free of complaints , $8, amazon
While complaining may seem therapeutic right now, it’s actually one of the most destructive things you can do for your friendships and your own well-being. The international bestseller A World Without Complaints is a practical, straightforward book that teaches people what constitutes a complaint and how to kick the habit once and for all. The author, Will Bowen, appeared on Oprah, as well as The Today Show, and believes it takes 21 days to kick a habit. So, he issues a challenge that suggests exactly that: Give up negative feedback from him for just 21 days and see what happens. Reviewers say it’s one of the few books they’ve read with the potential to change the world, and Bowen’s beautiful storytelling and relatable humor make this an incredibly enjoyable read.
See Also: Writing How-to Books in Kindergarten- Writing Unit of Study
(psst! listen to this title via audible here.)
let go of things that no longer suit you
the sedona method , $12, amazon
In a genre brimming with books on daily exercises, visualizations, and acting happy, The Sedona Method is a breath of fresh air and remains one of the best self-help books around. I have ever read. While most people try to put a happy face on unhappy thoughts, Hale Dwoskin gives you realistic and practical tactics for letting go of thoughts and feelings that no longer suit you. it allows you to accept and release emotions and beliefs you’ve been carrying around since childhood (and avoiding like the plague), so you can start rewriting your life in any category: relationships, wealth, or health. .
learn to cultivate mindfulness
guided meditations for calm, awareness and love, $5, amazon
Although meditation began to reshape my thinking the very day I started, I didn’t know why until years later, when I started doing research. It turns out that meditation changes your brain chemistry, causing new growth of gray matter, which leads to happier thoughts and more empathy. In my opinion, guided meditations are a great place to start, which is why this guide to meditations is a must for anyone trying to get started in the practice. Because it’s simple and informative, yet super relaxing, it’s especially useful for people with no prior experience. a soothing voice guides you through three different practices that cultivate mindfulness and a sense of inner peace, and reviewers say it was so helpful they’d give it six stars if they could.
See Also: Writing How-to Books in Kindergarten- Writing Unit of Study
(psst! listen to this title via audible here.)
focus on the good things in your life
instant happy journal, $10, amazon
When things go wrong (which they inevitably will from time to time), it’s easy to forget that you have a lot to be thankful for. this happy journal challenges you to spend 365 days realigning your thoughts, so they are filled with love and gratitude. Every day there’s a new message: things like “list today’s mini-miracles” and “reframe a story from your day, so that failure equals wisdom.” Plus, with bright colors, full of inspirational quotes, and plenty of room to write, you’ll be inspired to start your day with some much-needed optimism.
get a lesson in empathy
Chicken Soup for the Soul: Think Positive, $10, amazon
The Chicken Soup for the Soul series is the king of eliciting compassion for others, and Positive Thinking is no exception. Jack Canfield (award-winning speaker and author of over 150 books) is a master at collecting true stories from people that illustrate how we are all connected and how we all have so much more in common than we ever realized. This book has 101 stories from people who have learned to change their attitudes, count their blessings, and move on in the face of adversity. this book helps you connect with humanity on a deeper level and hopefully follow his successful examples. It’s great for anyone who tends to talk more than he listens, and because it’s emotional and raw, you won’t be able to put it down.
See Also: Writing How-to Books in Kindergarten- Writing Unit of Study
(psst! listen to this title via audible here.)
set limits for yourself and others
where to draw the line , $11, amazon
While it’s easy enough to let negative people, work, and situations permeate every area of your life, a non-toxic person is someone who isolates negative emotions and prevents them from spoiling everything else. where to draw the line is a book by anne katherine (certified mental health counselor and renowned speaker) that teaches you how to preserve your integrity by making distinctions between what is right and what is not, both with respect to to their own actions and those of others. In simple, everyday language, this book explains how the behavior can be seen as pervasive in everything from work to divorce, and what you can do to stop it.
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images: fotolia; amazons (10)
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