there are many changes ahead. these changes do not have to be negative. When it comes to divorce, there are numerous helpful books for every step of the process. Whether you’re looking for ways to heal, get closer to your children, or try to understand the repercussions for both partners, there’s a book that can help. When it comes to divorce literature, these are some of the best divorce books currently on the market.
what are the five stages of divorce?
There are two processes you go through when it comes to a divorce. there is the legal process, and then there is the emotional process. There are five stages that people go through when facing a divorce. it is important to note that there is no specific sequence for these stages. they can often overlap, or you may feel like you went past one only to land back on it. your life is unique, and so is your path to healing. The five stages include:
You are reading: Divorce self help books
1. negation
This is usually the first stage people experience. denial does not mean that you reject the truth of your situation. it means that there is an inability to process what is happening. During this stage, you will feel overwhelmed by the situation, most of the time because it is so new and fresh. At this stage, it is natural to try to avoid conflict. you may experience confusion and fear regarding the situation. You can tell yourself, “We’ll be fine,” “My spouse didn’t mean that,” or “We can work this out.”
2. anger
Anger is a form of passion and causes people to behave in ways that don’t really reflect who they are. This feeling of anger can come from being lied to, feeling betrayed, rejected, misunderstood, abandoned, etc. ultimately, you feel angry that someone you trusted is pushing you into a bad place. during this stage, you will often not act
like you. may be overly concerned, impatient, or argumentative. you may resort to various vices in excess, such as drinking, eating, exercising, or binge-watching.
3. negotiation
This is commonly known as the “what if” stage. this stage is an attempt to eliminate doubt. you often repeat how you got to this point and try to negotiate a different outcome. this negotiation could take place within yourself, with a spouse, or with a higher power. At this stage, some will experience feelings of guilt and regret, while others may resort to desperate promises to stop the process. this implies the mentality of “I will do this, for this” or “I will leave this, to have this”. This way of thinking can be dangerous, and it’s often a good time to reach out to others to share your story and seek support.
4. depression
With depression come feelings of sadness, grief, and loneliness. You may question the purpose of life and feel cut off from society. At this stage, many feel that they are simply going through the motions. Depression affects people in different ways. this could include loss of appetite, trouble sleeping, and general feelings of being overwhelmed, hopeless, and helpless. while this is a natural stage in a sense, it is also important that you don’t get stuck here and allow it to continue for too long. If you feel stuck at this stage, it’s important to seek help.
5. acceptance
This stage is essentially where you want to end. It will arrive in bits and pieces. you will begin to experience more good days than bad. there is an acceptance of the situation and a clarity that there is life after divorce. you’ll find yourself feeling more optimistic about your future and willing to explore what’s out there.
divorce, even when it is a mutual decision, is still a difficult process. how these stages affect you will vary. You will have your bad days, but you will also have good days. When it comes to dealing with these stages, there are several books available to help guide and inspire you to complete the journey. no matter how dark and uncertain your future may seem going through a divorce, the sunlight will shine again.
how should i prepare for divorce?
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divorce can be complicated. In some circumstances, both parties realize that divorce is their best option. in other cases, one of the spouses initiates the process, but there have been problems that led to the decision. there are also cases in which one of the spouses may be surprised by the other, having no idea that a divorce was on the horizon. in some of these cases, the preparation is easy, and in others, it can be a bit complicated. When it comes to preparing for a divorce, there are a few steps to take. these include:
educate yourself and investigate
The process can go a number of ways and largely depends on how willing both parties are when it comes to working towards mutual separation. you can try to handle it yourself, although that is often not advisable. you can fight in court or you can mediate your divorce. mediation tends to be the most peaceful option, and if you can work together, it is often resolved faster.
get organized
You will have many decisions to make during the divorce process, especially if you have been together for a long time or if you have children. the more organized you are, the faster and smoother the process will be.
choosing the right person
find an experienced and competent professional to guide you through the procedures. this is important because it can help shape how the rest of the process will unfold. A professional will help you understand the process, help you gather all the necessary documents, and be your advocate during the divorce process.
take responsibility
Even if you are not the one seeking the divorce, it is still your divorce. you don’t want to sit on the sidelines and get trampled on. it is important to take charge of the situation. You must be willing and able to actively participate in negotiations.
find emotional support
This is a difficult time, even if you were the one seeking a divorce. this process will arouse various emotions and you will experience good and bad days. you’ll want to find tools and tricks to help reduce your emotional reactivity. this can slow down the process, and resolving the bitterness or anger can make the process drag on even longer.
focus on your children
If you have children, you’ll want to consider what will be best for them. they should be your primary focus and drive to get life back on track as soon as possible. you also want to take into account how aware they are of what is going on. You should never speak ill of your spouse in front of his children. you will most likely have to co-parent, and the friendlier you can be, the better.
stay focused on your integrity
Emotions can be intense, especially anger. anger can lead you to behave in ways you normally wouldn’t. it is important to be aware of staying true to yourself. Even if your spouse is reacting differently, the high ground is always the best way to go.
focus on the big picture
There is life after divorce. there is happiness, opportunities and growth. While it may feel like the world around you is falling apart, these feelings are temporary.
best divorce self help books
When it comes to the best divorce books, there is a wide range of options.
These include personal memoirs as well as daily meditations and guides.
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When it comes to some of the best self-help books on divorce, we recommend exploring:
wherever you go there you are for work kabat-zinn
This book explains how to fully enjoy the present moment and stop yourself from worrying about the past or the future. It provides step-by-step meditation practices that can easily be incorporated into your everyday life.
It might be better to digest this book in sections like the ones this reviewer recommends:
“At some point in your life, you may begin to wonder, “Will things always be this way?” – so rushed, with barely a moment to call his own, and the current events revolving around him often reflect the worst side of humanity. so lost in to-do lists that you hardly know where they end and where you start. Or have you thought, “will I always be like this?” – perhaps anxious or irritated, perhaps distracted, or beginning to feel isolated from those around you, including loved ones? This book explains that living each moment fully (and what that phrase means) can bring you back to yourself and to a peaceful yet connected stillness that ultimately enriches your life. it describes the discipline and detached self-observation (ie, meditation) required to achieve this. I found that this book is best read in small sections, and I plan to reread it many times. in hindsight i would buy the next one on paper (not kindle). it’s packed with insightful and (if you let it) life-changing information.”
divorce is never easy
Whether you’re going through a divorce or looking for a book or advice for a friend, remember to lean on people who’ve been through it. And remember these wise words from Jennifer Weiner:
If you need to speak with a professional, please don’t hesitate to reach out and schedule a free consultation so we can see if our team is right for you.
*editor’s note: This post was originally published on May 9, 2021 and was updated on January 26, 2022.
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