For husbands who want a better marriage and want to be the spouse their wife deserves, here are seven books every man should read.
I have often heard that men are generally not readers. I don’t think so.
You are reading: Marriage books for men
If you happen to be a man who agrees with that statement, you should reconsider your position.
and if you are a husband who does not have the habit of reading, you must cultivate it. you know, the whole ‘leaders are readers’ thing. How can you lead if you are not growing and expanding your life?
How can you expand your life if all you do is watch TV or play video games?
It’s time to read more. for the sake of their marriage.
good!
rant.
here are seven books every man, every husband, should read but probably hasn’t.
Even if you can’t read all of these in the next few months (or even next year), pick one and get started. you’ll be better for it.
and your marriage will be better for it.
here is the list.
the seven principles to make a marriage work – john gottmanlove and respect– emerson eggerichsdevelop the self-esteem of your partners – dennis and barbara rainey a men’s guide to women– john gottmanmarriage on the rock– jimmy evanscrazy good sex – les parrottthe marriage of all men strong>- stephen arterburn
Let’s take a look at what’s inside to help you choose the one to start your journey with.
Disclaimer: Links to these books are affiliate links. I get a commission if you buy through my link. the cost to you is not affected. You can read more about our partnership with Amazon here.
by the way, these are not in a specific order. however, I’ll give you an idea of each one so you can put them in the order of your reading list.
number 1: the seven principles to make marriage work
John Gottman runs a ‘relationship lab’ in Seattle Washington where they study couples as they interact. He is the professor of psychology at the University of Washington and he’s been researching relationships for over four decades. He is recognized as one of the top 10 most influential therapist for the past 25 years.
in summary
gottman focuses on seven principles that couples must have in order to create a meaningful and lasting relationship. he also discusses the four negative behaviors that will destroy your marriage. in fact, he uses these principles and behaviors to predict the success or failure of a marriage with 91% accuracy.
what you will learn
This is not just an idea book. Gottman is a researcher, so this one (and all of his books) have tons of statistical analysis and checklists to help you assess your relationship.
One of the most important lessons for me was his explanation of the importance of ‘turning towards each other instead of away from each other’.
Because we all have needs that we want our spouse to meet, we often “bid for their attention, affection, or connection.” these offers are requests that we send verbally or non-verbally. What we do with the offers our partner sends us determines the health (and direction) of our relationship.
This section alone (chapter 3) is worth reading the book. but it doesn’t stop there.
Each chapter builds on the previous one, so you can create a roadmap to success in your relationship.
why it should be on your list
gottman institute research can help us (as men) understand the emotional side of our marriage. has exercises you can do as a couple or individually that will help you better understand what your wife needs from you as a husband.
If you want to build a solid foundation for your marriage, you need this book. will help you understand the building blocks of a healthy relationship.
where to find
See Also: Thomas Kinkade – Book Series In Order
click here to check prices on amazon
number 2: love and respect
Love and Respect is a New York Times best seller. Dr. Eggerich and his wife travel around the country speaking to couples on this subject.
in summary
this book revolves around three sections dr. eggerichs calls “cycles”.
the crazy cycle: how miscommunication and misunderstandings are destroying relationships.
the energizing cycle: how to create openness, intimacy and bond in our relationships.
the cycle of rewards: dr. Eggerich calls this the bulk of the book. it’s about developing unconditional love for your spouse.
what you will learn
my favorite section was the most practical; section two – the energizing cycle.
uses two acrostics for the needs of men and women. in a nutshell (don’t let this stop you from reading the whole book because you’ll miss out on a great idea if you do).
women need: partner
closeness (connection)openness (from you)understanding (don’t fix, just matter)make peace (leading to improve the relationship)loyalty (commitment means more than you think)esteem(honor and appreciate it)
In the same way, men also have needs. men need: chairs
conquest(appreciation for their work)hierarchy(appreciation for their protection and provision)authority(desire to serve and lead)insight (appreciation for your wisdom and advice)relationship (need to share experiences)sexuality (desire for physical intimacy)
See Also: iPhone For Dummies, 2022 Edition | Wiley
When we understand the differences between men and women, we are better equipped to meet the needs of our spouses and communicate our own needs.
why it should be on your list
this is a classic. helps men better understand and communicate what they need. Many men have not been able to explain what they really need from their wife. This book will help you.
It should be on your list if you want to know more about the key differences between men and women, and how to meet the needs of your spouse. it will also help you understand yourself better.
where to find
See Also: Thomas Kinkade – Book Series In Order
click here to check prices on amazon
number 3: develop the self-esteem of your peers
Dennis and Barbara Rainey run FamilyLife.com where they help couples grapple with tough issues and build strong families.
in summary
A healthy self-esteem is vital to a healthy marriage. Dennis and Barbara Rainey have spent decades helping couples discover how to make their spouse a priority by giving them the tools to build their partner’s self-esteem.
what you will learn
What I love about this book is how practical it is. has checklists, action items, and tasks to help you put the principles in place.
Although we are not responsible for the self-esteem of all our colleagues; because we love them, we must be willing to be the primary contributor to their esteem needs.
when we become the main builder of our spouse, we provide security and love. When we are the ones who attend to their needs, we create an environment of commitment, loyalty and intimacy.
A note on sex: Sex for women begins with safety, commitment, and appreciation. make sure she feels valued because this is one of her main needs.
why it should be on your list
This should be on your list if you or your spouse struggle with jealousy, insecurity, or low self-esteem.
If you want to win your spouse’s heart, you must learn the principles outlined in this book.
where to find
See Also: Thomas Kinkade – Book Series In Order
click here to check prices on amazon
number 4: a man’s guide to a woman
This is another book by John Gottman (See above for information on his research).
in summary
I’ve never met a man who felt he had discovered women. We all struggle at times wondering what our wives really want. gottman addresses this topic and provides clear advice (based on his own research) on key aspects of relationships with women.
He begins by addressing a woman’s true needs, wants, and desires. he reveals the ‘one thing’ all women look for in a man. this alone is worth reading.
These are the sections of the book:
understanding a woman dating a woman having an affair with a woman making love to a woman living with a woman loving a woman all her life
what you will learn
starts the book with a will ferrell quote (of all people):
trying to understand women is like trying to smell color nine!
It’s hard to pick a favorite part of this book. Each chapter offers a wealth of information. don’t forget, gottman is a researcher, so he writes precisely what the statistics say about each of these topics.
For married men, the section on living with a woman offers some very useful information. It builds on the foundation of her book, “Seven Principles” (see above), but addresses important issues for men.
I always tell people: “I married my best friend.” And i mean it. his section on being best friends forever is a must read for all men.
why it should be on your list
If you (like every other man on planet earth) want to know more about what women really want and need from you, this book should be at the top of your list. actually, probably second from the top. After reading the two books on this Gottman list, I think it’s good to read the “seven principles” book first. it will lay the groundwork for this second book and give you a head start in putting some of the principles into practice.
where to find
See Also: Thomas Kinkade – Book Series In Order
click here to check prices on amazon
number 5: marriage on the rock
Jimmy Evans runs MarriageToday.com. He is currently pastor at Gateway Church in Texas. One of his major focuses is on meeting your spouses needs.
in summary
jimmy evans is considered the ‘american marriage pastor‘. at least it is for me.
Your course of the same title is excellent. I’d love to require every couple to sign up for it. the second best option is to read this book.
what you will learn
This book is based on the course of the same title. here’s a snapshot of what you’ll find inside:
• how to make marriage a top priority• how to understand and meet your spouse’s needs• the different ways men communicate and women• how to achieve maximum sexual satisfaction
They even have a section for people in their second marriage and raising children.
why it should be on your list
My wife and I have followed Jimmy for years. What I like about her teaching is that it is always practical.
I could put it like this. john gottman approaches things with analytical inquiry. sure, they have counseled and studied thousands of couples over the years. but his writing is based on research.
jimmy evans comes from a different angle. he has worked with couples as a counselor, pastor and coach. His ideas come from knowing what it’s like to be in the trenches.
If you are looking to build your marriage on biblical principles, this is a book you should read.
Even if you’re not a Christian, this book is so practical you should read it for its common sense approach to relationships.
where to find
See Also: Thomas Kinkade – Book Series In Order
click here to check prices on amazon
number 6: every man’s marriage
Every Man’s Marriage is some-what of a classic. It was one of the first books I read on my journey to be a better husband and man.
in summary
stephen arterburn begins with his personal story of marriage, divorce, remarriage, almost second failure, to discover how to make marriage work.
The statement that summarizes the essence of the book is:
‘I’ve talked to more husbands and wives, I’ve heard them say that their marriages improved when the husband sought to do things to please his wife, when he began to allow his personality and convictions to find a place with theirs in the marriage. .’
This reads more like a lessons learned journal than a “sermon, that’s how it’s done” book.
what you will learn
The book moves like a movie. from what happens when love grows cold [why things fall apart], to how to build unity [every woman’s secret desire], to becoming a servant-husband to her spouse.
What I enjoyed the most was the type of plot writing. As I mentioned earlier, John Gottman is a researcher. Jimmy Evans is a pastor. Stephen Arterburn writes like the guinea pig, not like the teacher. He shares what he has learned from a lifetime of discovering how to be the right kind of man for his wife.
why it should be on your list
If you like story lessons, this book will fit the bill. Stephen is open and honest about his failures and his victories. he challenges men to become servants to his spouse.
This should be on every man’s shelf as a reminder that we are here to bless and serve, not to be served.
where to find
See Also: Thomas Kinkade – Book Series In Order
click here to check prices on amazon
number 7: crazy good sex
It would be unfair to men not to include a great book on sex in the mix. so here you go…
You can find out more about Dr.’s Les and Leslie Parrott here.
in summary
les and leslie parrott have been counseling couples for several decades. To my knowledge, they created one of the first online programs designed specifically for married couples.
This work on sex is one of my favorites. why? because it’s honest, direct, and touches on some topics that most “traditional” marriage books don’t cover. it is tastefully encouraging. and full of ideas about sexual intimacy.
what you will learn
dr. parrott talks about six sexual myths:
Myth #1: Men want sex more than womenMyth #2: Sex with the same person gets boringMyth #3: Porn is not addictiveMyth #4: Size mattersMyth #3 Myth #5: The Bible is very clear about masturbationMyth #6: My sex drive is too powerful to control
something I appreciate is that he has a page in each chapter where he talks directly to women. although the book is written primarily for and by men, it widens the circle and brings wives on the subject.
also includes some resources for further study.
why it should be on your list
This should be on the list because it’s about sex.
there. I said it.
sex is important in marriage. This book deals with the subject in a practical, dignified and healthy way.
In fact, I suggest (recommend) that couples read this together.
If you want to have a conversation about sex with your spouse and would like a good guide to starting the conversation, this book should be at the top of your list.
Disclaimer: While sex is vital and important in marriage, keep in mind that women are turned on for sex differently than men. It might be a good idea to begin by understanding and appreciating the uniqueness of his wife before moving directly into the dialogue about sex. just my two cents.
where to find
click here to check prices here
wrapping it
I could easily expand this list. there is a growing source of great material written for men to help them build the marriage of their dreams.
books like…
limits by henry cloud and john townsend10 lessons to transform your marriage by john gottman (yes, another gottman book)
The list could go on and on. but I want to finish with these seven.
here they are again:
the seven principles to make a marriage work– john gottmanlove and respect – emerson eggerichsdevelop the self-esteem of your partners – dennis and barbara rainey a men’s guide to women – john gottmanmarriage on the rock – jimmy evansevery man’s marriage– stephen arterburncrazy good sex strong> – the parrots
I hope you fill your shelves with these priceless books and start reading them so that you can grow as a husband and be all that your wife desires…
and all that you were created for as a man.
here you are about to be the husband your wife always dreamed of.
it’s your turn
Have you read any of these books? which was your favorite and why?
What other books have you read that helped you become a better husband?