A couple of months after taking over as literary editor of The Listener in the fall of 1986, I decided to write a review for the Christmas double issue: a review of two books about cats. I typed it up, marked it up for the typesetters, sent it off, and didn’t think about it again until one of the sub-editors brought the proofread proof to my office. “Lynne,” he said solemnly, “you won’t post this under your own name, will you?” I replied cheerfully that I intended to, yes. which was when he explained to me a great truth: that once a literary woman associates her name with cats, no one will take her seriously again.
That conversation has haunted me ever since. In my heart, I know she was right. but on the other hand, cats are such good material. When I was asked to write a gothic novel three years ago, I didn’t hesitate to come up with a funny one about talking evil cats.
You are reading: Famous cats in books
And now I’ve written a follow-up: the lunar cats. This time, we meet a red-haired kitty mob boss who talks like Barbara Windsor and a suave 18th-century scientist cat who rides in the effort with Captain Cook. It seems obvious to me that cats are intelligent and completely lack altruism. this means that you can believe almost anything about them.
the following are masterpieces of people who bravely prepared themselves to take the risk of associating with cats. notably, though, nearly all of them are men, so perhaps the sub-editor’s warning should still stand.
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1. tobermory by saki (hh munro)talking catthe ultimate talking cat story. On a weekend at a country house before the First World War, a guest claims to be able to give animals the gift of speech. He is challenged to test his gift on the resident cat, Tobermory, with awkward results. the cat is eloquent and haughty. and worst of all, he has spent his whole life listening and watching, with the result that he now knows something to the detriment of everyone present. someone asks him, “what do you think of human intelligence?” and he prefaces his reply: “You put me in an embarrassing position.”
2. lewis carroll’s alice adventures in wonderlandsuperior catrereading the alice books recently, i realized that the cheshire cat was the only “crazy” character i I really hoped to meet again. Even Alice is pleased to see him, when his head re-materializes at the croquet match. Like the other creatures he meets, the cat poses riddles and gives unsatisfying answers, but he is more interested in Alice than in many of the others. “what happened to the baby?” he asks (he remembers that she left the duchess’s house carrying a baby). “He turned into a pig,” she says. “I thought so,” she replies.
3. Roald Dahl’s Edward the Conqueror The stories of Genius Reincarnated Cat Dahl have recently been collected into a themed book. The latest, Madness, begins with this story of a rescued gray cat who may (or may not) be a reincarnated Franz Liszt. This sentient creature not only reacts with delight to piano music, but also seems to share the composer’s dislike for Chopin. While music-loving Louisa becomes convinced that the cat is a resurrected genie (and talks of inviting musical luminaries to meet him), her exasperated husband Edward plots to kill him.
4. the silent meow translated from the feline by paul gallicoguru cata mysterious typed manuscript titled £ye suk@nt muwoq falls into the hands of gallico. he quickly realizes that it has been typed (badly) by a cat, and is a manual for “cats, stray cats, and the homeless”, explaining how to manipulate humans: to get the best chair, the best food , etc. the “silent meow” is the ultimate weapon, explains the cat: simply open your lips as if you were going to meow, but don’t make a sound. humans can’t help but interpret this as a bottomless emotion. whatever you’re looking for, you’ll get it.
5. TS Eliot’s Old Possum Book of Handy CatsCriminal Mastermind CatMacavity, the feline equivalent of Sherlock Holmes’ Moriarty, is the super brains of this collection. even the shape of his head tells us how intelligent he is: “his forehead is deeply lined with thought, his head is very domed.” the name alone is perfect: macavity rhymes with “gravity”, “depravity” and “suavity”. But proof of this cat’s criminal brilliance is that every time a crime is committed, “the badass isn’t there!”
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6. thomasina, the cat who thought she was god by paul gallicomystical catthomasina is a large tabby cat who belongs to the little daughter of a Scottish veterinarian, a rigid and disconsolate man. Thomasina requires the services of the vet one day when she has her hands full and orders to be put to sleep. her daughter, shaken by grief, becomes catatonic. Meanwhile, Thomasina wanders into a past life where she was an Egyptian goddess and is rescued by a friendly witch who heals sick animals through mystical means. As the poor girl falls into a fever and has a breakdown, Thomasina regains her memory and returns home to save the day at the last minute.
7. A Vernon Scannell Murder CaseAvenging CatCats in books seem to die of violence a lot. Tobermory escapes murder only by dying in a fight with another Tom; Edward in the Roald Dahl story finally throws the cat into the fire; the cheshire cat escapes beheading only because of a semantic argument (can one behead someone who has no visible body?) this haunting poem echoes edgar allan poe: a black cat killed by a child is thrown into the cupboard under the stairs, where it grows and grows in the spidery darkness, its low accusatory purr growing louder and louder. one day it will come back, and “there won’t be a corner for the child to hide / when the cupboard swells and all the sides break / and the big black cat comes out of it.”
8. felidae by akif pirinçcidetective cat there are two literary cats that everyone seems to know: the giant cat in mikhail’s work master and margarita bulgakov, and detective cat francis de felidae. I haven’t read the master either, and margarita have hordes of fans, but I find it unreadable, so felidae will be the only one I’m addressing, because the cat (apparently) reads books, uses a computer, and talks about kierkegaard.
9. the cat protection league by roger mcgoughdangerous cat“midnight. a knock on the door. / open it? better had. / three heavy cats, bad and bad.” The Cat Protection League was a charity with no sinister undertones until McGough wrote this poem and gave us the image of Protection Moggies using extortion on neighborhood gates. “Then they disappeared like bats in hell / those bad, bad cpl cats.”
10. Why Cats Paint by Heather Busch and Burton SilverAesthetic CatThis hilarious parody coffee table book is delivered with such a serious face that it takes quite some time to recognize the hoax. Subtitled A Theory of Feline Aesthetics, it features images of cats alongside their purported (predominantly abstract expressionist) artworks. the subtitles are particularly good: “pepper will spend up to two hours carefully examining herself in a mirror before beginning a self-portrait”; “Because of the neglected way some cats paint, biologists have called their work nothing more than ‘obsessive-compulsive play activity resulting in meaningless random markings.'”
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