Families with children who are oppositional defiant have many difficulties to overcome. life is not easy. Fortunately, there are books to help deal with difficult children. the most common books about oppositional defiant children offer behavioral techniques for dealing with defiance and other problem behaviors. personally, i think these books are worth it, but i recommend a different approach. the following books represent a position that children with oppositional defiant disorder have a learning disorder. not a learning disorder in reading or mathematics, but a disorder in managing their emotions. the following three books explain this concept and offer helpful suggestions that I believe are more effective than traditional behavioral approaches.
The first book is for children who often have explosive rages. Not all children with oppositional defiant disorder have angry outbursts and rage. for those who do, the explosive child: a new approach to understanding and parenting children who are easily frustrated and ‘chronically inflexible’ by ross w. Greene, PhD (isbn: 0060175346) is an excellent source of solutions. dr greene offers a different look at children with violent tantrums. It’s not a quick fix, but it does offer a philosophy and recommendations for teaching your child how to develop better coping skills. this book fails to teach parents how to teach emotional maturity.
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the second book, parenting and emotionally intelligent children by joan declaire, john m. Gottman, Daniel P. coleman and joan de claire (isbn: 0684838656) teaches parents how to emotionally mature their children. teaches coping skills and what your children can do with their emotions. According to Ericka Lutz: “The authors identify a five-step ’emotion training’ process to help teach children how to recognize and deal with their feelings, which includes becoming aware of the child’s emotions; recognizing that dealing with these emotions is an opportunity for intimacy listening with empathy helping a child label emotions setting limits and solving problems chapters on divorce, parenting, and age-based differences in emotional development help make gottman’s teachings be detailed and helpful.”
The third book offers an ideal parenting style for this type of child. parents still need to teach coping skills, but they also need to change their parenting strategy. parents who can change their paternity will be able to see the results within 4 weeks. the technique is called the nurtured heart approach and it is our favorite method for raising difficult children. A book that explains this technique well is Transforming the Difficult Child by Howard Glasser. isbn: 0967050707. the nurtured heart approach is a very positive parenting method, but it does hold children accountable for their behavior. the nurtured heart approach can be a little awkward at first, but with practice you’ll get it right. it takes about a week before your child begins to respond. it takes four weeks of consistent use of all three principles to truly transform even the most difficult child. I wish all teachers would use this approach with their students. Whether or not your child’s teacher uses this approach, your child will benefit from their use of the approach, even in school. we did a book review explaining our favorite parts. To see our review, please click here.
Finally, for advanced training and peace of mind for the whole family, the book: to love is to let go of fear by gerald g. jampolsky, isbn: 0890872465 is very helpful. Actually, we think everyone should read this book. it’s from “a course in miracles” and jampolsky presents everything well. the book is easy to read and the concepts are described in non-technical terms. It’s a good philosophy to live by. if followed, it will bring peace of mind. peace of mind is not generally found in families with a child who is oppositional and defiant. By following the principles in these books, everyone in the family can heal. The most important thing is that your child can overcome his emotional learning disorder and relate more effectively with others.
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